Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
