She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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