Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
