He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
