Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
