Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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