we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
