Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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