When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
