Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
