I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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