that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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