Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
