I CAN MOONWALK!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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