She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
