It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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