Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
