there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
