Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
