if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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