Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
