trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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