Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
