She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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