I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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