dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
