What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a hot homeless man
Little spoons don't ask big questions
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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