You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
