I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
