were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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