Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
