How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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