Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
