Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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