the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
