You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
