arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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