She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
