yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
