I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just had sex bonerless
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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