Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
