I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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