i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
