Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
