don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
