Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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