I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she told me i tasted like america
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
