Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
