You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
