you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
