dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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