Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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