why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
